There was a time when TV was for everyone. From tiny toddlers to grandpa’s, everyone was interested in having a bit of entertainment. Ah yes! Those were the golden days of Television. Then came the dreaded dark age of you-know-who (a la J.K.Rowling style). Fear haunts my sub-conscious, chills run down my spine and I have goose bumps all over my body when I hear that dreaded name – Ekta Kapoor.
Every evening during prime time, the hired goons of this villain take control over the television and hypnotize the “mom’s” of the house. Once spellbound, there’s no telling of horror’s of the ordeal one has to pass through. You cease to exist for your parents for a period ranging from 2-3 hours in the evenings depending upon your parents viewing choices. Even if someone entered your house and stabbed you, the possibilities are that your parents will probably wait for the “break” before making an emergency call. 
Ekta Kapoor – Devil In Disguise
The horrors continue, you are forced to watch the silly episodes unless you have some other means of getting past those 2 hours of torture. Fortunately for me, I have my PC. The devil (Ekta Kapoor) had probably foreseen this behavior and ensured that no one should have peace of mind while her soaps are running on TV. So she brought out the ultimate weapon – Ear Piercing Sound Effect (EPSE). These EPSE’s usually accompany camera zoom & pan on the character’s face and usually last for 10-15 seconds, but the duration and frequency is prolonged as the episode nears it’s end.
To make the matter’s worse, she has multiple soaps running on different channels. So if you are living in flat with 4-5 homes on a floor, this amounts to a huge tsunami of various EPSE’s from different soaps coming towards your ears. The end result is severe ototoxicity in the league of several hundred grams of Aminoglycosides.
The nightmare doesn’t end here. Throughout the whole day, the women of the neighboring houses have only one thing to discuss – What’s going to happen in the next episode? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, when will this madness stop?
And the worst thing about all this is that Ekta Kapoor believes that her soaps instill the sentiment of uplifting of women & Instilling family values into people. Yeah right!
So her idea of a perfect family is one where the women of the house teach about gods, deities and moral issues and yet have extra marital affairs, illegitimate children who are thirsty for the family property. A family that flouts every norm setup by the Family Planning commission of India (Hum do Hamarey do), and has 6-7 kids. A family where children get 2 lakh rupees as daily pocket money and where 10 crore rupees easily fit into a single VIP suitcase (which in usual conditions cant even accommodate regular shoes).
If every family in India instills the same values into their children, my vision of India in 2020 would be: One of the richest nation in the world with a population of over 20 billion and only 10% of adult married.
Part of my philosophy for becoming a doctor is – one day, I’ll hire some goons to Kill Ekta Kapoor, then use my powers as a doctor to revive her and kill her again.
And so I shall bring peace and prosperity to the youth of the nation. Maybe then I may be able to watch VH1. 
January 2nd, 2007 at 6:25 am
Hey you are absolutely right. Due to her so-called family value-based soaps, the family life has really deteriorated, what with moms watching all such serials in front of the kiddos. Even for people like me, who do not have cable-network at home, the serials who ape the storyline of her GREAT soaps have become a headache as there is no other programme telecast on the T.V. other than such serials.
I guess there would be lots of more people who would agree with you and me and who would support you in this noble cause of yours. May your wish get fulfilled as soon as possible.
Btw, nice name you have given to her – YOU-KNOW-WHO