Torn

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something’s raped and taken from me….

~From the song “Freak on a Leash” by Korn

All my life as an undergraduate (and maybe even before that time), I believed that I was never meant to be in this country - Well at least that is what my Physics Professor, Kalpak Kothari, used to day. He used to say that I’m the right person born at the right time but only in the wrong country… Humm I dunno if that set the balls in motion but I’m here with only 6 days to go before I leave India and head for USA.

Although I wouldn’t call myself an emotional fool but I do get wet eyes while watching some (only some) episodes of Oprah :oops: . I’ve been to the departures (to USA) of a few friends over the last 2-3 weeks and the scenes were mostly filled with tears, mushy eyes and emotional farewells by friends and family alike. I had never imagined my own departure to be so sentimental (in true theatrical sense) and still don’t do. Then again, I never imagined I’d cry when Smiti left me quite unexpectedly.

The last few days had been hectic cause I had to co-ordinate transfer of funds from 3 separate accounts across India; to a single account of our roommate in USA - towards the lease of our apartment. After 4 sleepless nights of several calls to USA, 20 Faxes, 47 emails, 24 scanned pages and 29 printouts, I’ve finally got a place to live in philly. The new apartment is a 2 bed / 2 bath apt on the 12th floor at Parktowne Place Apartments, Philadelphia.

In todays world, what comes naturally after any significant change, in your life, is to update your online profiles across various social networking sites. Even now as I change my profile address across facebook, orkut, etc I feel something is taken away from me. The sudden realization that I’ll no longer be addressed to Ahmedabad, India (at least in the near future). It feels like something has been taken away from my soul. I feel guilty that I’ve disowned some integral part of my life which I called home for the last 14 years. A sudden rush of emotions rushed through reminding me of all the fun stuff I’ve done at my home

I came here as a 7th grade student, sulking and unhappy for I lost my friends back at my previous apartment. I joined the society’s cricket team and used to go to playgrounds every sunday to play matches… We used to climb up trees while playing hide and seek… There was a lady who had an outdoor table for seating and we used to draw faces on it much to her chagrin… My first crush, a girl in our society Rikita… My first bike ride on my very own CBZ (I actually regret not taking a single photo of my bike before selling it off a 4 months ago)… Everything is coming back and it is such a beautiful feeling.

Never imagined that preparing to leave would be so tough. It’s like…

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something’s raped and taken from me….

I feel torn…